Mobsters, molls and mud. A network of secret tunnels, a big black vault, and Al Capone’s bulletproof Duisenberg. A roaring 20s vice palace of bootleg booze and gambling, with a convenient brothel downstairs.

Hot spring grottos, yoga retreats, gourmet dining, cleansing body wraps, nude sunbathing and therapeutic aqua massage. Rustling palms, a zillion stars at night, desert vistas, fruit trees gone wild and a lake where turtles bask in the sun.

They’re all part of the past history and contemporary setting that make Two Bunch Palms one of the Coachella Valley’s resort destinations of choice (as featured in Robert Altman’s film, “The Player”).

Although Native Americas probably enjoyed this hillside oasis for centuries (near what is now Desert Hot Springs), the first white men to record its existence were a contingent of the U.S. Army’s Camel Corps that stumbled on it in 1907. They dutifully marked it on the map as the place with “two bunches of palms.”

The legend of Two Bunch Palms, however, did not take root in the sandy desert soil until the 1920s. And there still may be some old-timers in the region that can remember the strange group of stern, pallid-faced “business” men in thick winter suits and fedora hats that disembarked from the train at Garnet Station. “Real estate speculators,” they were, from the Windy City, looking, they said, for something remote, with a good view to watch for “company.”

What they didn’t mention was that their boss was a certain notorious gangster named Al “Scarface” Capone. It seems Big Al was in need of a secure getaway from his Chicago “business rivals” and a certain Federal agent named Elliot Ness. The land they settled on was Two Bunch Palms.

For the better part of a decade Capone and company lorded it over their isolated Spanish-style desert fortress built from river stones, thick beams, decorative tile and plaster.

To keep life interesting they installed a speakeasy where the bootleg liquor flowed, ladies-of-the-night “entertained,” and the chips fell where they may. When they wanted to relax Capone and his guests could adjourn to the natural hot spring grottos. And if the feds showed up, there were always the tunnels for a quick escape.

The spirit and much of the architectural atmosphere of those roaring days still lingers at Two Bunch Palms. Most of the original buildings that were constructed on the 56-acre site remain, including the main lodge with its Casino Dining Room, and the Al Capone Suite, decorated much as it was in bygone days, complete with a genuine bullet hole in the mirror.

But the greatest delight of Two Bunch Palms (in addition to the friendliest service you’ll find anywhere) are the two beautifully landscaped, palm tree-lined hot spring grottos, were bubbling hot water flows directly from natural thermal vents. To float in these pools at night, looking up at the swaying palms and the glitter of the stars is a delight close to rapture.

Harking back to its cops and robbers past, Capone’s bulletproof “Duse” is parked proudly in front. There’s also a private dinning room in the Casino restaurant dedicated to the mobster’s silent film-star moll-of-choice, Gladys Walton; the walls lined with lobby cards and posters from her 38 long-lost flickers.

During a recent stay, the ghosts of Capone and Gladys did not haunt my girlfriend and me. But I must admit that I did sense a definite paranormal presence as I descended the stairway to the lower floor that was formerly home to the brothel. Now used for massage and therapy rooms, saunas and showers, these shadowy hallways and small rooms with their 20s style decorative elements seemed to speak silent volumes.

Today Two Bunch Palms is as famous for its spa treatments, retreats and gourmet dining as it is for the its notorious former residents. And of the many spa treatments that are offered, by far the most frequently requested are the aqua massage therapy (delivered while you float blissfully in hot water) and the mud baths.

Neither Nance nor I had ever taken a mud bath before. And I must admit, that when I first laid eyes on this bubbling pool of brown muck, I was ready to pass on the whole thing. It looked like something you’d encounter in a cattle farm feed lot, with a smell to match. Inviting it was not.

But, nothing ventured, nothing gained. So, we dutifully disrobed and less than gracefully burrowed into the slime (a combination of the local mud, imported moss and water). The sensation was unlike anything I have ever experienced. And the trick, I soon discovered, was attain a state of partially submerged neutral buoyancy.

I also want to take this opportunity to apologize to anyone whose meditative experience was shattered by our laughter. Because we had a very hard time taking this process of becoming The Creatures From the Black Lagoon very seriously. I must admit, however, once in, it was most restful as the sun set outside our little mud trough cabana.

I can honestly say, of all the resorts in the Palm Springs area, no place is quite like Two Bunch Palms. Ain’t that right, Al?

Two Bunch Palms Resort & Spa
Located at 67-425 Two Bunch Palm Trail, Desert Hot Springs. Room rates (the resort offers a wide range of accommodations and quest services) from the “Grotto Guestrooms” $214-$379 to two bedroom “Private Villas” (including the Al Capone Suite) $654 to the House on the Hill $797. The spa offers many different treatments including mud baths and wraps to nude sunbathing spots and aqua message in the hot spring grottos. For information: 800-472-4334 or www.twobunchplams.com.