So let’s make one thing clear. You will not find little ceramic dolphins, unicorns or angels in my condo. I find Yoga painful and boring and don’t understand those who say it’s changed their lives. I’m skeptical, to say the least, when it comes to group think and dubious at best about the healing powers of dolphins. All the same, I wanted a safe adventure for a solo girl. I opted for a retreat called Wildquest in Bimini which offers wild dolphin excursions as well as various classes (included, but optional) meditation, yoga, Tai Chi and others.

I flew into Fort Lauderdale on a Sunday night. The next morning I would meet my group/pod and fly in a tiny plane to a tiny place called Bimini in the Bahamas.

Day One:
Zero Dolphins, 16 freaks.
“What have I done?” were the words running through my mind. These people are freaks.
There’s Jilla, not Jill. Fifty plus. Every sentence begins with “I.”
“I’m bitter, but I’m not imprisoned.” To this, add the oversized visor with battery operated cooling system and the fact that she could not have a thought without stating it aloud.

There’s Suzanne whose first words were “what do you do if you forgot to pack your anti depressants?

Claire, a lovely woman in her 60’s from London. Very sweet and bares a strange resemblance to Winnie the Pooh. Everything is “brilliant” or “grand”

Jasmine, who when asked what she does repeatedly says:
“I make money for spas” No details. Just money for spas. She’s here with her boyfriend, Cyrillo, a much older man who has a comment for everything.

Within hours of our first trip to sea he insists on telling stories of his days training in the army and eating cockroaches. Poor Suzanne, who we already know is feeling depressed, is trapped next to him. She finally tells him she’s on her vacation and to shut up. He doesn’t.

Ed. Certainly this guy didn’t read the brochure. Retired fire captain from the Bronx. Calls it like he sees it and doesn’t hold back on the colorful adjectives.

The Italian family – husband, wife and two teen age sons. She is the family leader with true European beauty and husky smoker’s voice that is somehow sexy. At this point I am confused as they tell us the only language that really matters is English, but yet continue to speak Italian.

Pat, she’s been here before and claims her life has been changed. A woman definitely testing her new found strength. She is woman and will take her shirt off to prove it.

Another Ed, who we call special Ed, is here with his partner David whose body has been ravaged by cancer.

I am overwhelmed by admiration and guilt. How brave to step out into the world and not care what others see. At the same time, so hard to look at and pretend nothing is wrong.

Then there are Karina and Terri. They are from Arizona and give cranial massages to horses. Oh, and they are both Shaman which involves speaking with nature and having conference calls with others who speak with nature.

Me? A writer who has had just enough success to be perfectly miserable. A long time sufferer of depression who has come to the conclusion that I wanted things to be different, but wasn’t willing to change. Hence, the dolphin trip. My first solo adventure.

Day Two: Zero Dolphins, 14 freaks, one breathing circle.
If you didn’t get a massage or take the seven am tai chi class, you could still make the breathing class at ten. Now if I could figure out how to make money teaching people how to breathe, I’d retire to an island myself. Hesitant, skeptical and down right negative, I ventured into the healing room where we learned to breathe through our mouths and not our nose.

I hadn’t slept the night prior, which is no surprise since I haven’t slept in some twenty years, but after 45 minutes of breathing I felt more rested than I had in a long time. Who knew breathing could be such a powerful thing. Note to self, breathe.

Today the sea was too rough to venture past the bay. We did get a chance to snorkel in the calmer areas and Almas, our fearless leader, suggested we try the “dead man’s float.” This is where you just let all your muscles relax and drop your face into the water. The water was so warm and clear it literally felt like I was in a huge pool. Turtles, Rays, even Barracudas, swam past as if commuting to work or soccer practice. Amazing, and that breathing thing came in real handy.

Back on the boat, I began to relax. After learning how to breathe I figured I could try conversation.

Terri and I had a long talk . A project manager for a big corporation by day and horse cranial specialist by night. Her husband, or ex husband with whom she still lives, turns out traded his corporate job to supply horses with an alternative to shoes. Manicures, if you will.

Teaching people how to breathe and giving horses manicures and massages - - great businesses. Who knew?

Well, actually Cyrillo knew. He knows everything and proceeded to talk about horse shoes, miniature horses, the value of Arabians and anything else his lips could wrap themselves around.

I commented on how much I liked the boat and no sooner is he telling me the cost of the fiberglass and how I could make it myself. I can’t even breathe on my own and this jerk wants to walk me through building a boat. It would be so easy to push him overboard. I admire the staff for their patience.

DAY THREE: Dozens of dolphins, 16 near strangers.
This morning the women meet for a meditation and “sharing” session. I am not a Kum By Ya type of chick and I struggle to keep my thoughts to a minimum just in case some of these women can hear my inner dialogue.

Almas guides the group. I must say I am taken by her. A woman of incredible strength, beauty and peace who clearly has a hall pass to the inner workings of the soul.

She tells us to start by talking gibberish. She says that when we can reduce the connection between words and feelings we can clear our head. She gives us an example and proceeds to fall into an exorcist like trance which I can’t help but laugh at - - not aloud as I’m in fear for my life.

We all then close our eyes and indulge in our own versions of insanity. I keep one eye open and mumble as I listen to others. Yep, these women are nuts. If I wasn’t on an island with one flight out a week, I really may have bolted.

Then Almas asks us to talk about why we came on this journey. I felt a need to contact Oprah as I braced myself for a sort of spiritual reality series.

“I need to be more trusting and open,” explains Jilla

“I’m feeling trapped as I just found a job I love (making money for spas) but I have this wonderful man who wants me to move.”

Terri explains that even though she lost her mother over 21 years ago she wrestles with incredible anger as her mother was sick and refused to go to doctors. She’s here to allow herself to feel.

Claire,, dear Claire, had recently lost her mother and although it was not a surprise it was still a great loss. She wanted to do something that would make her mom smile. To her, this was it.

Our Italian bombshell spoke of a similar loss. As a young girl her older sister died and she could never fill the loss for her mother. A long brewing storm resulted. As an adult, she told her mother of the tremendous pain she suffered – the next day her mother died of heart failure and she has never forgiven herself.

We spoke of loss. Talked to intimate strangers. Cried and laughed.

As the attention focused on me, I felt oddly comfortable. The words I struggled to find just seemed to flow. Both of my parents have dementia. My dad for a long time and my mom suddenly from a stroke. It’s not supposed to happen this way, I explained. I don’t know how to mourn for something I haven’t lost, but yet I am destroyed every time I see or speak with them. Top it off with recently being diagnosed with an auto immune disease which is triggered by stress and dolphins suddenly made sense. I was trying to find a feeling I had as a child. I somehow thought I could find it here. Go figure.

We went from the meditation room to the boat. I rode on the bow of the boat – my legs hanging off the front riding the waves and tasting the salt of the 80 degree water that sprayed my face. We rode for hours, when suddenly a single fin was spotted.

DOLPHINS! One fin, then two, then an entire pod. Some twenty dolphins were riding in the wake of the boat.

These were Spotted dolphins which in Bimini are much more playful than the Bottlenose. Some of these pods were groupies and knew our boat. Almas explained how she could recognize certain markings. One guy was missing a fin from a shark attack.

We were told before that when we get into the water to dive repeatedly and they would come to us. We all put on our fins and masks and like Penguins in need of Ritalin lined up to enter the playground. I was so excited I forgot to pull my mask completely down and swallowed a lung full of water trying to dive.

There they were, four, five, six dolphins clicking away just beneath me. They would glide by me then circle back. What were they thinking? Often groups of them would spontaneously huddle on the bottom. Were they drawing straws?
“You go. No you go.”

One thing I learned quickly is that when you are nose to nose with a dolphin, your mind doesn’t drift. I never made lists or thought about an email I forgot to return. No, I was in the moment. Breathing in unison. Carefree in a way I can’t remember since childhood.

Almas said they love to chase and that they’d be more likely to stay with us if we swam away instead of after them. I tried to play hard to get. Didn’t work. The entire pod moved in another direction.

I heard myself actually asking them to wait and get to know me. I really asked them to give me a chance, and at first was crushed that they didn’t. But then I saw something. Something amazing. The dolphins had all moved and surrounded David. They circled him. They touched him.

We rode home in silence. Somehow we knew that if these dolphins really do have healing powers, they were using all they had for our most vulnerable pod member. None of us felt cheated, but rather blessed.

I called my parents from one of the only payphones on the island. I told my mom all about my experience and asked how they were doing. Great, she explained. I slept that night.

DAY FOUR :Two spotted dolphin pods. One human pod.
After breakfast I had a moment to speak with Ed. He told me about being in the Navy as a young man and how he promised himself that someday he’d return to the sea and swim with the dolphins. Took him over 40 years, but here he was. His wife doesn’t like the water.

Two sons in Iraq and a former Bush supporter, Ed now talks about how everyone hates our guts and blames Bush. This tough guy was a deep thinker and a deep breather. I was wrong about him. I was wrong about a lot of things.

Today we came across a huge pod of Spotted Dolphins. Lots of babies which is just amazing to see. I learned that Dolphins brains are proportionally larger than ours. They are the only other species that has sex for pleasure, their sonar can see in and above the ocean and that the male can control his penis like an arm. Who knew?

This pod was extremely playful. They would flap their fins for our attention. Every time we got into the water they would magically disappear and then come right back when we loaded the boat again. This cat and mouse game went on for hours. They rode the wake of the boat. Just inches from all of us.

We ultimately came upon another pod and those of us who weren’t exhausted from being teased, joined these guys for some fun.

We came back at sunset, cranked up the music, and some of us, not me, danced into the harbor. Claire, with her warm smile and plastic hat; Pat, who was now topless; Jasmine, who seemed to be growing independent of that thing she brought with her; Almas. who come to learn was also the bass player for a local band; Karina, with her Hepburn-like stature and most of the staff jamming to a beat of our own.

That night there was a full moon and we were to gather around a fire for a group recap. The day had been perfect and the meal delicious.

Before the fire, I dashed off to check my messages. I was one of only a few people who had outside contact, but with the state of my parents I needed to stay in touch. My machine had a message from my mom. She and my father didn’t know where I was and were worried. I called them and they had no memory of our conversation the night before. They had no idea I was even away in spite of leaving all my contact information. My heart broke - - again.

In addition, I learned about the terrorist alert being raised after the incident in London. I didn’t know whether I should share this with the group as we were all flying home in two days. I didn’t want to invade this space with ugliness, but yet there it was, waiting.

I sat by the fire. Almas talked about the meaning of the moon and how each cycle was a chance to start anew. She passed out pieces of paper and pens. She invited us to write down one thing we wanted to rid ourselves of.

One by one, we tossed our fears into the flames and watched them evaporate. I don’t know what the others wrote. I just wanted to leave behind the fear of being hit with a clinical depression. I have been running from it for years and with the difficulty I was having with my folks,I feared it was going to catch up with me. Silly to think that years of therapy and medication could possibly be outdone by a piece of paper and a fire. All the same, it felt good.

DAY FIVE:
The Bottlenose dolphins, a single butterfly and a group of strange friends.

It was our last day on the boat and one could not have asked for a more perfect day. The water was crystal clear, the sun brilliant. Today we came across a pod of Bottlenose dolphins. These guys are much larger than the Spotted and have a completely different energy to them.

They swim to the bottom and then proceed to drill into the sand to find fish. I could hear their sonar checking me out. One swam beside me and gave me the once over. I must have passed his test because he let me follow him. I floated above hearing my own breath. When the dolphin came up for air, I rose with him and greeted him above water. Then we dove back down.

Back on the boat we all seemed to drift off into our own worlds. Each of us realizing that soon we’d be back to our regular lives. I was basking in the sun next to Terri when a butterfly flew across the deck and back out onto the ocean. A butterfly? How could a butterfly make it across the ocean? I made some stupid joke when Terri turned to me.
“It’s a message, idiot. Transformation.”

I wanted to say something witty, but all that came out of my mouth was. “Oh.” I’m not exactly the type to see God on a potato chip, but something about the butterfly held meaning.

So here’s the thing. If you’re willing to look for miracles, you can find them. If you can suspend your disbelief and follow the Yellow Brick Road, you may wish to extend the same freedom to yourself and enjoy a time and place unlike any other.

Our last night we gathered again and yes, sang some sort of Kum By Ya song. I cried. Partly because I knew I’d never be able to recapture this feeling when I returned and partly because I found, just for a moment, that seven year old girl who rode her bike through the neighborhood without a care in the world. She was still there. It felt good to breathe.

Wildequest contact:
http://wildquest.com
Contact info:
USA or Canada 1 800 326 1618
Outside USA 1 561 964 9466
In the UK 01392 221 587

When to go:
Trips run from May through October.
Family weeks available.

Travel Insurance providers (required)
CSA
http://www.csatravelprotection.com/
Travel Guard
http://www.travelguard.com

Cost:
$1295- $1595 accommodations for double occupancy. Includes most meals and all classes
Single rooms available for extra cost.

Extra Costs:
Transportation to Fort Lauderdale
Flight from Fort Lauderdale to Bimini approximately $200 round trip
Massages $75 each
Snorkel equipment (rental available)
Tips and some taxes

Dolphin trip directory:
http://www.swimwithdolphinsdirectory.com/